Monday, February 25, 2013
Teaching Kids About Caring
I appreciate these thoughts from Julie Bonner. She has been taking time to teach our monthly character traits, and this reflection on her class discussion has made me think about how adults show we care.Do we do so in healthy ways?
"I put the word CARING up the other day and asked my students what they thought it meant. I got the usual responses of someone who is nice, looks out for others, etc. I decided we should look it up and we were all kinda surprised to see things like:
Watchful attention to,
Charge or supervision of,
A person or thing that is an object of attention or anxiety,
Fearful concern for.
The last two led to a great discussion of our parents and teachers and what caring really is. They care so much they stress out over us. I told them I didn't need a class room of stressed out 5th graders but did want them to understand what caring looks like.
I just wanted to pass on that it is good to really understand the meaning of each word (of the month). I think sometimes my students think...huh wonder why Mrs. Bonner didn't choose me for the character trait...I'm a nice kid, do what I'm told. I tell them it is hard to pick one, but I really try to consider the meaning of the word, not just who does what is expected, which of course is also awesome. Reward for doing homework is knowledge and I suppose good scores or grades. Reward for behaving at school can come in the form of responsibilities or being asked to help in special ways.
The whole Peach Prize word is about your character. Do you care? Do you show concern for other humans? Do you watch out for others, think of them more than yourself? That's a bit different. Being rewarded for that shows caring has become part of who you are so much that others notice."
It might be good for all of us to consider how we model caring. Just like Julie doesn't want a class of stressed out 5th graders, our homes and classrooms will be happier places if they aren't filled with stressed out adults. Can we care without stressing? What does healthy caring look like?
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Care without Stressing....that could be a new concept to some, I think...I'm so glad you brought it up. Many times we are so used to this high stress level and care so much that we think that is the norm. That we are supposed to act or feel this way, that we are supposed to give 110%! In the process we are impacting our physical and emotional systems, which in turn can affect others. At the Institute of HeartMath (an organization dedicated to stress relief, resilience building and heart based living) we call this OVERCARE. If we can be mindful of when we are truly caring from the heart or in overcare, when can help ourselves and others better. You'll know you're in overcare when you care so much that the stress response is triggered..for example worry, anxiety, perfectionism, reduced health, lack of energy. But it's not to say we need to be critical of ourselves when we do notice it...overcare comes from genuine care. So when we stop to take a look at our "care" we can ask "am I in genuine care or overcare?" we can identify if we are in overcare...we just have to go to our heart, and ask, what will it take to step back into healthy caring? Doing this can give our systems a big relief. We can be more effective in genuine care, and better models for our kids too.
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